Why Perfectionism Is Dangerous
Perfectionism... What is it?
The American psychological Association defines perfectionism as the tendency to demand of others or oneself and extremely high or even flawless level of performance in excess of what is required by the situation.
Perfectionism is a way of thinking.
Do you find yourself identifying with any of these behaviors or something similar?
The mom that wants her kids to do the dishes and the kid does it but mom redoes it because it’s not the right way.
The kid/adult that has to make all A’s and feels like a complete failure over a B.
The girl that looks in the mirror and sees nothing but ugly.
The dad that has to have his son complete a play in football perfect.
There are so many examples of Perfectionism I could go on.
So why is it dangerous? Because it is linked to anxiety, depression, increased levels of burnout, OCD, eating disorders and suicide.
There are 3 main types of perfectionism
· Self-oriented perfectionism: Excessively high personal expectations
· Socially prescribed perfectionism: Excessively high social expectations
· Other-oriented perfectionism: Excessively high expectations of others
· There are also two important sub-dimensions of perfectionism, which are:
· Excellence-seeking perfectionism: A fixation with—and demand for—excessively high expectations to be met
· Failure-avoiding perfectionism: A fixation with—and aversion to—failure
· People who experience perfectionism can exhibit one or multiple types and one or both sub-dimensions.
Perfectionism is widespread, affecting nearly one or two in five young people (depending on the study and the age range). And it’s on the rise.
All three types of perfectionism have increased over time, but socially prescribed perfectionism, which is most highly correlated to serious mental health conditions, has increased the most. From 1989 to 2017 the number of young people who reported clinically relevant levels of socially prescribed perfectionism rose from 9% to 18%, doubling in the span of less than 30 years.
Ok but I don’t want to bore you with statistics. The main thing is we need to work towards becoming aware and reducing it not increasing it. So how do we do that?
Be more self-aware. By becoming self-aware and paying attention to your tendency’s and expectations of yourself and others.
Love yourself for who you are. Practice self- compassion. Everyone makes mistakes, no one is perfect. Do your best and know it is enough. You are enough.
Once you realize you are a perfectionist. Find the root cause. A counselor can help you identifying if you cannot do it on your own.
Purposely do things imperfectly. I do this all the time. Especially when I am crafting or making things. There is actually therapy for this. It’s called exposure therapy.
Know your habits. Why do you have those habits? Are they causing distress?
Lastly, accept that you won’t excel at everything.
