Behind Closed Doors: The Many Faces of Domestic Abuse

Our homes are supposed to be safe, a sanctuary for us to return to after a long, hard day. However, for many men and women, what waits behind closed doors is far from safe. In terms of “domestic abuse,” what comes to the minds of most is physical violence that leaves visible injuries on its victims. This troubling behavior extends beyond the physical, but its many forms are often overlooked and misunderstood. In honor of October - Domestic Violence Awareness Month - we wanted to shine some light on the shadowy corners of domestic abuse and offer insight into its many manifestations.

Physical Abuse

The most easily recognizable, physical abuse is harder to disguise. This involves the use or threat of use of physical force against the victim, often causing physical injury. Physical abuse can also include withholding physical needs such as sleep, food, and other necessities. Some behaviors used in physical abuse include:

• Hitting, biting, slapping, scratching, drowning, or other acts meant to cause physical harm

• Throwing objects at or near partner

• Refusing to give medical care or controlling medications

• Coercing partner into substance abuse

• Use of weapons

• Damaging personal property

This list only touches on a few methods used in physical abuse. At the end of the day, physical abuse is any action that is meant to harm or attempt to harm an individual.

Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse can often be a lot harder to identify than physical abuse but can be just as harmful. Emotional abuse is anything that is meant to exploit someone’s vulnerability, insecurity, or character. These behaviors can include:

• Name-calling/insulting

• Gaslighting

• Isolating the victim from friends and family

• Consistently ignoring or neglecting the victim’s needs

• Humiliation

• Coercion and manipulation

Emotional abuse is often just as harmful to the victim as physical abuse. Emotional abuse is not only difficult to identify; it also tears down the victim’s self-esteem, trust, and mental well-being.

Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse is a form of abuse that is difficult to talk about and, often, to identify. This form of abuse is not about sex; similar to physical abuse, it is used to establish power and control over the victim. Sexual abuse includes any sexual behavior performed without the victim’s consent. This can include:

• Using force, coercion, or manipulation to have sex

• Exploiting a victim who is unable to make decisions due to being asleep, intoxicated, drugged, disabled, too young, etc.

• Contact with the victim in any nonconsensual, sexual way

• Sabotaging birth control

• Coercing victim to have unprotected sex

Sexual abuse is often described as having “blurred lines.” At the end of the day, if any kind of sexual act is performed without explicit consent, it is sexual abuse.

Technological Abuse

A newer form of abuse, technological abuse includes the use of technology to stalk or control a partner. Technological abuse can happen at any age, but it is most commonly found in teenagers and young adults. This can include:

• Hacking into a partner’s email or social media accounts

• Using tracking devices to monitor a person’s location, text messages, and/or phone calls

• Monitoring interactions on social media

• Demanding to know a partner’s passwords

Technological abuse is another form of abuse used to gain control over the victim. It includes monitoring the victim’s interactions, censoring what they are allowed to post, stalking them through social media or location tracking apps, and controlling who they are allowed to speak to.

Financial Abuse

Financial abuse is an often overlooked yet very common form of abuse. It occurs when a partner is controlling the financial independence of their partner, and is often the least obvious form of abuse to an outsider. These behaviors can include:

• Controlling how, where, and when all the money is spent

• Denying the victim the ability to work or get an education

• Assigning an “allowance”

• Forcing the victim to sign documents

• Damaging a partner’s credit score

• Keeping financial secrets or hidden accounts

• Spending money for necessities (such as food, housing, etc) on nonessential items (drugs, alcohol, etc.)

From the overt brutality of physical violence to the insidious tactics of emotional manipulation, each type of domestic abuse leaves victims scarred and traumatized, with difficulty trusting others or even themselves. Every year, one in three women and one in four men experience some form of domestic abuse. By unraveling the multifaceted nature of domestic abuse, we can better recognize, understand, and combat this deeply rooted problem that affects countless individuals.

If you feel that you are in an abusive relationship, don’t hesitate to call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233